November 20, 2015

Looks like our plans have changed... moving to Appalachia to start all over again. Going to miss New York City so much but think this will be a much needed change. It's supposed to be beautiful out there and the people sounds so wonderful. I have such an optimistic attitude about it all! John's been great and so supportive, but I can't help but think something else is going on without him telling me. I hope he can come clean soon. Already miss my Mom! Leave early tomorrow morning! Bye NYC! 

November 15th 2015

I don't know what to write. Feel empty inside. Molly...Molly is gone. I can't write an entry tonight. Can't stop crying. Numb inside. Was it all my fault? 

November, 10th 2015

Dinner with Mom in the city. She came in from Connecticut. Went to a small place on the Lower East Side, but I can't remember the name. Mom told me I should convince John to take some time off of work until we get settled into our new home in the West Side, but I don't know if I should. He's up for a big promotion. She said that she loved the fact we were naming the baby "Molly"! After dinner, I brought her back to the train and in the cab, planned our Christmas together in Connecticut. I hope John can get the time off. This job is really taking its toll. He's really having a lot of time in bed, but is convinced it's just the stress from work. It's really sad to see. I feel so bad and don't know what to do. Hopefully things can get better soon. I'm worried I'm going to start falling in love with my vibrator! haha! Tomorrow, we're supposed to go to Martin and his Wife's home in Brooklyn for Dinner. I have no idea what to wear. This hotel room is becoming so messy and depressing. Once again, another lonely night watching Seinfeld re-runs.

November, 6th 2015

Woke up to John having spasms in his sleep. I think his nightmares are coming back. I plan on calling his Doctor tomorrow. I always spoke with Martin, his boss about it. He said he'll try his best to convince John to get the help he needs. It's hard to be taken seriously being so young though. Our age difference is a big topic of conversation amongst our friends and it always bothers me so much. Who cares? I found the man I love, why can't the just be happy?

November, 4th 2015

We've decided on a name for our anticipated little bundle of joy "Molly". My Mother's middle name. I cannot believe that, at only twenty seven years old, my life has worked out so wonderfully. John is great, though sometimes I worry he is working himself too hard. I hope he can slow down his pace before little Molly arrives. We are gearing up to move into our brand new townhouse in the upper west side. I am getting very tired of Hotel room living. It's beginning to take its toll on both of us. 

John's PTSD desperately needs to be addressed. His drinking has escalated and even though he promised to get sober before the baby arrives, I am extremely concerned. Things in the city are becoming so chaotic. I miss my Mother a lot and look forward to coming back home with John and Molly. She's going to make the best grandmother ever. 

Our financial situation is incredible, but with John always being at work, it gets boring eating and shopping alone all the time. TV has become my life and it's getting depressing. I really do hope he can change things up very soon.